


I Almost Did It (I Was So Close)

by livingwithmermaids



Series: Hinting At Something Different [159]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crossroads Deals & Demons, Episode: s02e08 Crossroad Blues, Guilty Dean, M/M, Mentions of Sam at Stanford, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 18:48:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4533186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingwithmermaids/pseuds/livingwithmermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's thought about making a deal before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Almost Did It (I Was So Close)

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 episode 8 Crossroad Blues

Dean's thought about making a deal before.

He's realized now, that his life was doomed to be buried in a megaton of crap that he shouldn't be responsible since he rushed Sam out of their house, and he feels incredibly bad for Sam, because he obviously did not understand that he can't escape the life.

He thought about making a deal the day after Sam found out monsters were real.

He'd heard his dad talk to other hunters about deals civilians had made;  a good career, a beautiful girlfriend, a skinnier waist. Dean knew those deals were stupid, and he felt sympathy for the people who didn't think anything through. But Dean knew better then that. 

He stole his father's journal while he slept, and he sat with it on his lap and he stared at his baby brother, who was curled on the bed and his head buried in his pillow. He thought about what would happen if he made a deal. If he went to a demon and asked it to stop John from molding Sam into a paranoid, traumatized kid. It was too late for him, but Sam still had his innocence. Dean could save him.

But then he thought about what would happen to Sam when his measly ten years was up. He stuck the journal back in his father's duffel bag and slid into bed next to his brother.

He thought about it again the first time Sam had to kill a monster.  And then again when Sam went to Stanford, and then again when he had to pull Sam out of a fire a second time. And then again when he realized that Sam would never love him in he way he wanted him to. But he never did it. He never even drove to a crossroad to sit and think about what would happen if he did.

He didn't really actually almost make a dean until the demon offered to bring John back. He got really close to accepting that one. But he didn't because he didn't want live ten years with seeing his father's shame when he found out Dean's perverted love for his brother.


End file.
